Squeaky Bedsprings Posts

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I have a confession to make. I am a sex blogger who isn’t well-acquainted with her G-spot. I don’t know where exactly it is, or what it likes, or even how best to find it. I have no idea what type of dildo will feel best or at what angle or what motion or what amount of pressure. I am a total G-spot n00b.

Read More #GSpotJournal: Introduction to Exploration

#GSpotJournal Writing

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First impressions are incredulously important. They can determine whether you landed your dream job during an interview, help seduce a potential partner at a bar, and be a main decider on whether you will lube up your dick and stick it in a Fleshlight again. Biases positive and negative sprout immediately from first impressions; however, to make an accurate judgement upon anything, you must be exposed to it multiple times. Mundane, useless, and unarousing were initial reactions I felt when using this toy, but after experimenting and finagling around with the Quickshot, my opinion quickly flip-flopped. The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage is, as Jim Carrey once said in Bruce Almighty, “B-E-A-utiful.”

Read More Simon’s First Review: The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage!

Other Reviews

Lovelife Flex Dildoodle

Picture this: A girl (me!) lies in bed watching Netflix. Cheeto crumbs cover her chest and neon-orange dust-slime coats her fingertips. Just out of her reach are the Lovelife Flex Kegel Weights in their little satin bag. She half-heartedly half-lifts her arm up, reaching for them in sluggish consideration. Alas, with a defeated sigh, that undetermined arm flops right back down as she resumes her nature documentary. Congratulations! You’ve just witnessed my feelings towards pelvic-floor strengthening, AKA kegel exercises.

Read More OhMiBod Lovelife Flex Kegel Weights

Other Reviews

Adam dildoodle

I have owed Tantus this review for far too long. I have tested this dildo so many times over something like two months, and I still cannot come to a satisfying conclusion. Sometimes this dildo feels delightful, but sometimes it’s curve and girth are just too much for my smaller-sized anatomy. I’m pretty sure the subject of Katy Perry’s song “Hot n’ Cold” was the Tantus Adam O2.

Read More A Katy Perry Song in Dildo Form: The Tantus Adam O2

Dildos Reviews

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Sometimes I pee a bit when I jump on a trampoline. Or laugh. Or cough. Or sneeze. Or… you get the idea. The one time I tried kegel weights, they did not want to come out. All the google searches in the world couldn’t find anything to do with “where to put kegel weights in vagina” or “kegel ball stuck behind pubic bone?”, so I figured it was time for some extra help. My partner, Simon, had told me about his physical therapist friend who specialized in pelvic floor health, so I set up an appointment. I was nervous and unsure at first, worrying about a stranger seeing my bits and potential awkwardness, but 1. A physical exam didn’t even happen in the first appointment, and 2. This person looks at vulvas and buttholes every day; mine will be no surprise. After convincing myself of this, I was actually kind of excited about this prospect. I couldn’t wait to learn more about my body.

Read More Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: First Appointment

Other Writing

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I am picky about my condoms, and have every right to be. A condom embraces your genitals, lovingly protecting them from pregnancy, a number of STIs and maybe even a little ball sweat. Condoms and other barriers provide so much more than protection; they provide peace of mind. Companies are always trying to come up with ways to change and improve the classic condom, whether that is with a new material, a new applicator, or a new way to magnificently embarrass your entire brand. Some condom makers are doing awesome things. Glyde Condoms are vegan, fair trade, have different sizes, and use high-quality lube. This is the closest to my ideal condom-seller I’ve seen, but still, one can have dreams: dreams of a shiny, beautiful, perfect condom company.

Read More A Sex Blogger’s Dream Condom Company

Other

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Usually my first impression of a toy gives me a pretty good idea about whether I’m going to like it or not. This time however, my first impression was dead wrong. I initially wasn’t thrilled about the Funkit Toys Cashew Nib, but after a few tries, I fell in love. This is an amazing toy from an amazing company.

Read More Nuts About The Cashew Nib

Butt Stuff Reviews

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I have many aspirations: move to somewhere I love, eventually get a college degree, work in a feminist sex shop for a bit, die happy. You know, the usual. I have life goals, and then I have sex goals. Neither are coming easily at the moment. I live in a rather small house with my parents and siblings. The upstairs bedrooms are all connected, meaning my brother has to walk through my room to get to his own room. Translation: I cannot masturbate nearly as often as I need to, nor can Simon and I fuck when he comes to visit. When we can fuck, it’s a quick, silent session sans toys or roleplay or anything “extra”. It’s good, but I want more. Thanks to my fairly creative, active, and sexually-starved brain, here’s some stuff that is totally going to happen once Simon moves into his new apartment and I come to visit.

Read More The To-Do List: Sexy Activities I’ve Been Dying To Try

Other Writing

New Blogger Worries

Dear Me,

You’ve been blogging for just over two months now: months that have both flown by and dragged on. You have already learned so much about blogging, and even more about sex. You’ve received your first toy for review (thank you Funkit Toys!), made some friends, and virtually interacted with so many cool people. You can now help someone find a dildo shaped like Lebron James, or a unicorn horn, or a light saber. Although you still don’t have a blogging niche, your posts have already begun to change a little and improve. Some days you feel on top of the world, but most others, you feel entirely inadequate, irrelevant, and worthless. This is for you to read on those days. 

Read More Letter to My Anxious Self (And Perhaps Other Baby Bloggers)

Other Writing

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Lelo has made some abhorrent decisions lately surrounding their latest project, Lelo Hex Condoms. Not only did they choose a man known for assault as their spokesperson and stigmatize STIs to sell their product, they defended all these choices and refused to listen to the blogging and sex-ed community. Sarah from Marvelous Darling does a much better job of articulating this than I could, so you should definitely read into the details here. Because of this fiasco, Lelo, and their other brand, Picobong, no longer hold my respect. That being said, their recent actions did not influence this review, they only left me bitter that I still had to actually report about this unfortunate toy.  Read More Picobong Kiki 2: Boring, Uncomfortable, and Frustrating

Reviews Vibrators