Ah, Black Friday. The beautiful American tradition of a day celebrating family and thankfulness followed by a day of stampeding children to get a new toaster for ten dollars less…
Squeaky Bedsprings Posts
The Bswish Bdesired Deluxe Curve has an amusingly long name, but hey guys I found a lower-cost, decent, body safe vibrator! Rejoice!
“Though she be but little, she is fierce”
Never in my life did I ever think I would be quoting Shakespeare to describe a vibrator, but man does this thing deserve it. The We-Vibe Tango is a small bullet vibrator that packs quite the punch. Due to the immense popularity of this gem, I expected great things from this toy, and although I respect its power and recognize its potential for other bodies, it simply isn’t the greatest fit for mine.
I am not a very experienced dildo-er. Penetration with things other than penises is fairly new to me, and hasn’t been in my masturbation routine until recently. Every time I use a new toy I learn a little more about my body and a little more about what kind of fucking implements I enjoy. The Tantus Pack n’ Play 2 has come to be one of these such delights. The size, shape and squish come together in a lovely combination that seems to fit my vagina just right.
I have a confession to make. I am a sex blogger who isn’t well-acquainted with her G-spot. I don’t know where exactly it is, or what it likes, or even how best to find it. I have no idea what type of dildo will feel best or at what angle or what motion or what amount of pressure. I am a total G-spot n00b.
First impressions are incredulously important. They can determine whether you landed your dream job during an interview, help seduce a potential partner at a bar, and be a main decider on whether you will lube up your dick and stick it in a Fleshlight again. Biases positive and negative sprout immediately from first impressions; however, to make an accurate judgement upon anything, you must be exposed to it multiple times. Mundane, useless, and unarousing were initial reactions I felt when using this toy, but after experimenting and finagling around with the Quickshot, my opinion quickly flip-flopped. The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage is, as Jim Carrey once said in Bruce Almighty, “B-E-A-utiful.”
Picture this: A girl (me!) lies in bed watching Netflix. Cheeto crumbs cover her chest and neon-orange dust-slime coats her fingertips. Just out of her reach are the Lovelife Flex Kegel Weights in their little satin bag. She half-heartedly half-lifts her arm up, reaching for them in sluggish consideration. Alas, with a defeated sigh, that undetermined arm flops right back down as she resumes her nature documentary. Congratulations! You’ve just witnessed my feelings towards pelvic-floor strengthening, AKA kegel exercises.
I have owed Tantus this review for far too long. I have tested this dildo so many times over something like two months, and I still cannot come to a satisfying conclusion. Sometimes this dildo feels delightful, but sometimes it’s curve and girth are just too much for my smaller-sized anatomy. I’m pretty sure the subject of Katy Perry’s song “Hot n’ Cold” was the Tantus Adam O2.
Sometimes I pee a bit when I jump on a trampoline. Or laugh. Or cough. Or sneeze. Or… you get the idea. The one time I tried kegel weights, they did not want to come out. All the google searches in the world couldn’t find anything to do with “where to put kegel weights in vagina” or “kegel ball stuck behind pubic bone?”, so I figured it was time for some extra help. My partner, Simon, had told me about his physical therapist friend who specialized in pelvic floor health, so I set up an appointment. I was nervous and unsure at first, worrying about a stranger seeing my bits and potential awkwardness, but 1. A physical exam didn’t even happen in the first appointment, and 2. This person looks at vulvas and buttholes every day; mine will be no surprise. After convincing myself of this, I was actually kind of excited about this prospect. I couldn’t wait to learn more about my body.
I am picky about my condoms, and have every right to be. A condom embraces your genitals, lovingly protecting them from pregnancy, a number of STIs and maybe even a little ball sweat. Condoms and other barriers provide so much more than protection; they provide peace of mind. Companies are always trying to come up with ways to change and improve the classic condom, whether that is with a new material, a new applicator, or a new way to magnificently embarrass your entire brand. Some condom makers are doing awesome things. Glyde Condoms are vegan, fair trade, have different sizes, and use high-quality lube. This is the closest to my ideal condom-seller I’ve seen, but still, one can have dreams: dreams of a shiny, beautiful, perfect condom company.