Squeaky Bedsprings Posts

Hello. My name is Sammi and I recently learned that I love floggers.

This very toy, the Bondage Bunnies Rouge Garments Purple Suede* Flogger, introduced me to that love.

On the day of the toy’s arrival, I’m pretty sure lifted it out of the box and let out a deep satisfied sigh. I remember holding this thing up in the air lion-king style and saying (with great gusto might I add) “I AM AN OFFICIAL KINKSTER”. Like, if someone is making a BDSM reference in vanilla society, they’re probably giggling about whips. It’s the classic kink item, and owning one somehow finally makes me feel like I’m actually Doing The Kink Thing (even though kink, like most things, is a spectrum).

Kink Things Reviews

Me five years ago would never have imagined that sometime in my life I would pull up to a campground after a six hour drive with a person I had only met once before, scuttle through the pouring rain, and be lectured on how the little bottle that was being presented to me was NOT lube, but hand sanitizer and please do not put it on your genitals, but hey, there I was.

This campground was Abrams Creek Resort and Campground in West Virginia, and the event itself was Sex Geek Summer Camp, a five day retreat for sex educators and professionals to learn business skills. Rose of Hedonish.com is the wonderful human without whom I couldn’t have made it through the week, and Cathy Vartuli is the caring soul so concerned about not accidentally sanitizing one’s genitals.

Personal Writing

So you’ve decided you want to have a threesome. You’ve talked with your partner about boundaries, safer sex protocols, wants, and needs. Now you’re staring at your screen trying to figure out how to craft the perfect dating site profile for a couple in search of a fabled unicorn. Perhaps you’ve already been clicking around OkCupid, swiping on Tinder, or perusing My Sex Hookups. Maybe you are the fabled unicorn and you’re sick and tired of rolling your eyes at these less-than-polite couples.

Guides Writing

Fuck leg hair.

Fuck shaved legs.

Fuck painstakingly running to Walmart for batteries, running all over the house to find the length guide, and running your re-purposed pube trimmer all over your stupid shins in the hopes that somewhere in-between shaved and shaggy you’ll finally be happy with the length of your leg lawn.

I’ve spent the past week fussing and stressing over how to groom these two bottom limbs of mine, and the past hour practically crying over them. The only conclusion I’ve come to is that I want to crawl out of my skin, explode, or chop my legs off.

Personal Writing

IMG_2570

If I were speaking with you in person, I would begin this review by skipping up to you in a glittery homemade duct-tape strap-on harness, unicorn-horn shaped dick bouncing up and down in it’s gleaming holster, brandishing the Split Peaches Rivetor as a wand, and probably wearing those dollar-store fairy wings on my back. Unfortunately, this picture below will have to suffice.

Butt Stuff Dildos Reviews

Butt Stuff Reviews

IMG_0595

Three years ago, this was the sex toy. The only one I wanted. It was the one that was going to connect me to my boyfriend. It was the one that was going to finally let me orgasm during PIV (penis in vagina) sex, and when I did a google search for reviews, it was the one that led me to blogs like Hey Epiphora and Dangerous Lilly that taught me PIV sex wasn’t the end all be all of orgasms. I didn’t own this toy until now, but somehow it led me to everything: sex positivity, sex blogging, a career change, and a community of the most amazing people. Excuse me while I wipe away a sentimental tear from my eye.

Although I have issues with “couple’s toys” being perceived as the pinnacle of sex toys (Ninja Sexology has a great post on this topic. Long story short: any sex toy can be a couple’s sex toy), that doesn’t stop the Sync from being pretty cool. The We-Vibe Sync is the newest version of the classic We-Vibe namesake “couple’s toy” designed to be worn inside the vagina and against the clit during penetrative sex. It’s fancy new features include a more powerful motor (rumored to be the same as the Tango), an app, and two hinges to more closely adjust the Sync to fit differing bodies.

Reviews Vibrators

fulldoxydon

Hi hey hello there. I’ve got a few recommendations for you.

  1. Put this in your butt.
  2. Put this on your clit.
  3. Put this in your vag.
  4. Put this wherever the damn hell you please.

Other

picmonkey-redo-1

When Vibrant gave me the option to review the Minna KGoal, I almost said no. I was (and still am) in the midst of final exams and papers and projects, and I thought I’d hate the toy anyway, especially after my experiences with other kegel exercisers. But after all, I love shirking responsibilities, my pelvic floor needs some work, and I love Vibrant as a company. They carry only body safe products, use gender-neutral language, and donate a portion of proceeds to planned parenthood. They’ve also sent bloggers T-shirts to welcome them to their affiliate program, so basically they’re doing everything right. I’m so happy they reached out to me about reviewing the KGoal, because I love it, and I love them, and I love loving stuff.

Other

Ah, Black Friday. The beautiful American tradition of a day celebrating family and thankfulness followed by a day of stampeding children to get a new toaster for ten dollars less…

Sales and Deals