Squeaky Bedsprings Posts

 I am a quiet peanut. I prefer the company of a singular close pal than a gaggle of acquaintances. I’d rather go to a potluck than a bar, and large crowds make me nervous. But, my friends, I wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time I went through a rave phase. Oh yes, rebellious 17 year old Sammi went to far as to hot-glue gun rhinestones on an old bra, saddle up with some fishnets and booty shorts, and sneak out with a bottle of Gatorade mixed with tequila to go dance with strangers to skreetchy sounds, laser lights, and foam falling from the ceiling. It took about three times attending such events to discover that I hated loud music and strangers touching me and flashing lights and the smell of sweat and alcohol and vomit.

Dildos Reviews Vibrators

Although I may have an innie set of genitals rather than an outie set, strokers fascinate me. Little squishy tubes of happiness for your dick? Sign me (well, sign my be-penised partner) up! Masturbation sleeves are fairly new to us. So far we’ve tried the Fleshlight Quickshot, a handful of Tenga Eggs, and the Hot Octopuss Pulse III (review coming soon!). We also use strokers a little differently than many folks, in that my partner rarely uses strokers on his own. While I am happy to jam a vibrator against my bits, he prefers his plain ol’ hand for solo expeditions to avoid the effort of cleanup or the anxiety of his roommate stumbling upon a rogue sex toy. As a result, strokers are a joint activity for us, usually paired with a little butt stuff or kinky things, and the Tenga Flex fits that role wonderfully.

Penis Toys Reviews

Once upon a time I was makin’ out. We were holding one another tightly, lying on the bed. Hands were roaming, lips were gasping for air. I was on top of him, grinding away like there was no tomorrow. Everything was passionate and hot and sexy. Then, in an attempt to sexily shift a leg over, I accidentally kneed him in the balls.



I have friends who do all sorts of things for their jobs. One such babe plays with and inspects dirt for a living. One bakes for an entire student body. A few are teachers, a few are business bitches, and some sell nudes and perform cam shows and have sex. Yup, I have friends who are sex workers, and you might too.

Guides Writing

These past few weeks I got to play with a Sybian. I had chattered about it to my friends for months, thrilled to use this famous toy. I invited my friends to try it, and fantasized about the ways I could use it: positions, rope, threesome configurations. I had great ideas for the accompanying posts (one of which involved morphsuits and acro yoga), and overall big dreams for this little machine. However, after all the fanciful plans and aspirations, I only got to use it a handful of times.

Life kicks you in the butt sometimes, doesn’t it? In your head I’m probably just some rando internet character who only exists in sexy cyberspace, but I assure you, my friend, I am a real live human being with a real-live life. I am currently teetering on the edge of an undergraduate degree and Finding A Job. I am in the midst of final exams I have no motivation for, with no idea what I will be doing or where I will be come May. Every morning it gets a little harder to get my ass out of bed and move sluggishly through my molasses-saturated world.

Also, if you couldn’t tell from that last sentence, I’m depressed.

Personal Writing

One of the latest sex toy crazes sweeping the planet right now is air pulsation based vibrators. I mean, Jesus Christ ever since the Womanizer came out everyone and their uncle has been cranking these puppies out like nobody’s business. Womanizer, Satisfyer, Lelo, white-label. Everyone’s gotta produce a version of this latest clit-focused sucky thingy. Heck, since my receiving of these products, Satisfyer has already released updated versions of all it’s toys. And for good reason, too, I suppose. I really like these things. The Satisfyers I received: The Satisfyer Pro 2, and Pro 2 next generation, and Satisfyer 2 and Pro Penguin (both of which have now received an update), all feel great. They’re effective, fun, and, compared to other models out there, they’re pretty affordable. Also, you can put a penis extender on the end of one of them for some cool gender-feelz. Overall, these things are pretty neat.

#GSpotJournal Reviews Vibrators

I am terrible at holidays. Every year, the day of Halloween, my partner and I find ourselves planning our costumes about two hours before we’re supposed to be wherever we’re supposed to be. Every October 31st, we swear that next year will be the one where we plan our adorable couple-coordinated outfits months in advance. We’ll be so prepared. Just you wait.

Yet every year, we find ourselves at the thrift store at 6 pm wondering why we waited until the last minute again.

If you’re anything like me and in a last minute panic for a thrown-together sex-positive costume, I’ve got you covered. As per usual, I thought of these last year about two days after Halloween, and I’ve been holding onto it ever since (I’m a Capricorn). These little treasures will take all of ten minutes to throw together, and you probably already have everything needed.

DIY Writing

I do not like hard toys in my clam, I do not like them, Sam I Am.

I’m a sensitive peanut. To temperature, tastes, scents, emotions, other people’s emotions, movies, words. I’m a soft little fuzzy bruise-able peach. I learned a while ago that my vulva was sensitive to lubes, getting itchy every time we’d do PIV (thank you Sliquid and unlubed condoms for remedying this). What I didn’t realize until now is that my vagina itself is a sensitive soul, a soul that craves the cushy caress of sweet soft silicone, and cringes at the thought of metal or wood, or jeez even harder silicone. I’m refraining from making “my vagina is a pussy” joke because using “pussy” in that way is nearly always misogynistic, but man is my vagina a soft and gentle creature.

So here’s the truth, folks, I started this VaJournal segment (formally known as #GSpotJournal), because I, Sammi, a sex blogger, hate the Pure Wand.

#GSpotJournal Dildos Reviews

My first threesome wasn’t a disaster, but it definitely wan’t a success.  One night, my partner and I decided we wanted to have a threesome, and that same night, we had one. After just 30 minutes of scuffing our shoes on the beer soaked floors of a frat party, our friend miraculously introduced us to the person we would somehow end up heading home with. Things started getting awkward when I stepped on her shoe, broke it, over-apologized, and offered to carry her home.

Other Personal Writing

Hello. My name is Sammi and I recently learned that I love floggers.

This very toy, the Bondage Bunnies Rouge Garments Purple Suede* Flogger, introduced me to that love.

On the day of the toy’s arrival, I’m pretty sure lifted it out of the box and let out a deep satisfied sigh. I remember holding this thing up in the air lion-king style and saying (with great gusto might I add) “I AM AN OFFICIAL KINKSTER”. Like, if someone is making a BDSM reference in vanilla society, they’re probably giggling about whips. It’s the classic kink item, and owning one somehow finally makes me feel like I’m actually Doing The Kink Thing (even though kink, like most things, is a spectrum).

Kink Things Reviews