In a good book, the story has an introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and a conclusion. Sex should be no different! Good sex should have the introduction of consent, the rising action of increased arousal and pleasure, and the climax of, well, climax. The classic film portrayal of two people in bed breathing heavily seems to be decent falling action, but what many people don’t see in their sex lives is a good conclusion. My favorite way to “conclude” sex is with a quality conversation about what just happened. For people who practice BDSM and kink, this can be considered a type of aftercare, but even vanilla-identifying folks can benefit from talking about their just-finished sexcapade. Communication with your sex-buddy in general will improve your romps by leaps and bounds, but the conversation can be even better when what just happened is still fresh in your minds. These tips are mostly tailored to those having recurring sex with someone, whether they are dating, friends with benefits, hooking up, or any other sort of sex-buddy.
How You’re Feeling
First and foremost, let one another know what kinds of emotions are running through your heads. Did the session leave you euphoric or unsatisfied? Are you comfortable or does something seem off? Tell your partner if there were any moments during sex that caused particular emotions, whether those were negative or positive, and what you think may have caused them. Discussing your feelings can tune your sex-buddy in to what you might need post-romp, whether that be pizza or cuddles (both if you’re me!). Talking about your feelings can also help prepare for next time: encouraging positive emotions while preventing negative ones.
What You Liked
Gush about your favorite part. Maybe they did something with their tongue that simply blew your mind. Perhaps it was the way they looked at you, something they said, or a noise they made that melted you. Telling your sex-buddy what you love will boost their confidence and encourage them to give you more of it! Everyone likes compliments. Some great phrases to use could be simply “I LOVED it when you called me daddy” or “It felt so good when we were in doggy style!”. Good feedback could even be simply appreciating the vigor of their humping. If there wasn’t anything good, you can still supply some other compliment on their personality or choice of lingerie, but don’t tell them something was good if you didn’t like it! That could cause them to keep repeating that behavior, and you’ll end up with less-than-ideal sex.
What You Didn’t Like
It can be nerve-wracking to tell your sex-buddy what didn’t work if you’re afraid of hurting their feelings. Regardless, if you want the best sex possible it’s important to let them know what wasn’t so great. Tell them about any discomfort, boredom, or lack of enthusiasm, and definitely let them know if you were in any sort of pain. It’s best not to phrase these comments in an accusing sort of tone, so try saying something like “instead of going hard and fast right away, could we start slow next time?” or “it was a little too much teeth for me, but we can easily fix that!”. Instead of just listing what was wrong, provide solutions and talk about what might work for everyone.
Now that you’ve highlighted what worked and what didn’t, talk about the aspirations for your sexy future! Since you’ve already voiced the things you liked, discuss different positions you’d like to try, sex acts you’re curious about, or any kinky stuff you might want to adventure into. If you decided to put a finger in your butt, would you want to try two fingers next time? Have you always wanted to have sex outside? For a wonderfully long list of sex acts, check out this video from Sexplanations to give you some inspiration!
Creating a dialogue around these topics shows you care about your sex-buddy. Ask them questions, and listen to their answers. Conversations are two way streets, and listening is just as important as talking! What do you talk about after sex? Let me know in the comments! Hopefully with these tips, your conclusion this time will pave way for an amazing climax next time!
For even more tips on communication about sex, check out Communication 101: How to Talk About Sex