You’ve been blogging for just over two months now: months that have both flown by and dragged on. You have already learned so much about blogging, and even more about sex. You’ve received your first toy for review (thank you Funkit Toys!), made some friends, and virtually interacted with so many cool people. You can now help someone find a dildo shaped like Lebron James, or a unicorn horn, or a light saber. Although you still don’t have a blogging niche, your posts have already begun to change a little and improve. Some days you feel on top of the world, but most others, you feel entirely inadequate, irrelevant, and worthless. This is for you to read on those days.
Stop comparing yourself to others. This is so hard to do, but so important. You’ve been at this not even three months for goodness sake. Some have been at it for years. Be patient. Stop looking at the other new bloggers with envy because they seem to be getting more toys more quickly or gaining followers faster. Everyone moves at their own pace, and just because you can’t crank out reviews as fast as they can doesn’t mean that you are lesser than they are. You literally have to drive an hour just to pick up your packages. You just started a new job. You’ve got other things to do and can’t solely focus on blogging right now. Writing is pretty difficult for you and that’s okay. There’s no rush.
Your blog is not terrible. That company didn’t reject you because your blog sucked, but because they’re wary of new bloggers. It isn’t personal. Yes you’ve been rejected a few times, but you’ve been accepted too! That more established blogger didn’t ignore you because they didn’t care what you had to say, but because they probably don’t have enough time to respond to every twitter response or email. Stop taking things so personally and immediately jumping to “holy shit I’m worthless and have nothing of value to contribute”. When twitter asks “What’s happening?”, resist the urge to practically scream “VALIDATE ME” into that little box. You’re doing your best. Over time, you’ll get even better!
Accept yourself. Stop worrying if you’re “queer enough”, “kinky enough”, or even just “sexual enough” for this community. There is no ideal level of kinkyness, queerness or sexuality. You preach this to others wholeheartedly, now take your own advice. You can be sex-positive without being poly or queer or kinky, and your identity is valid just the way it is. Instead of measuring yourself up to all these beautifully diverse individuals, learn about the many forms sexuality and identities can take. Contrary to feeling “not enough”, since you fit the profile of the “queer kinky cis lady” sex blogger that makes up the majority, you feel like your voice is just like all the others. Stop worrying. You still have a unique perspective and voice to contribute to the community. Maybe you haven’t found it yet, and that’s okay. Keep writing, keep thinking, and it will emerge with time.
You’re doing this because you love it, and because it’s fun. You are so very passionate about sex-education; don’t you dare let discouragement and anxiety stop you from doing what you love. Send those emails. Accept rejection and thank them for their time. Take a break from social media if you need to. Don’t stress about what you think your blog SHOULD look like, and just let it flow. Your voice is valid. Do this for yourself. Be patient. Be confident. Keep learning. Keep going.
P.s. Thank you to Royce from The Deaf Queer, Lexi from Deviantt Kitten, Perineum Plunders, and Artemesia Femmecock for all encouraging me each in your different ways, whether those are just unknowingly encouraging comments on social media, good conversations, or a Skype call to help with blog issues. You are so appreciated and I’m so thankful for y’all.