Letter to My Anxious Self (And Perhaps Other Baby Bloggers)

New Blogger Worries

Dear Me,

You’ve been blogging for just over two months now: months that have both flown by and dragged on. You have already learned so much about blogging, and even more about sex. You’ve received your first toy for review (thank you Funkit Toys!), made some friends, and virtually interacted with so many cool people. You can now help someone find a dildo shaped like Lebron James, or a unicorn horn, or a light saber. Although you still don’t have a blogging niche, your posts have already begun to change a little and improve. Some days you feel on top of the world, but most others, you feel entirely inadequate, irrelevant, and worthless. This is for you to read on those days. 

Stop comparing yourself to others. This is so hard to do, but so important. You’ve been at this not even three months for goodness sake. Some have been at it for years. Be patient. Stop looking at the other new bloggers with envy because they seem to be getting more toys more quickly or gaining followers faster. Everyone moves at their own pace, and just because you can’t crank out reviews as fast as they can doesn’t mean that you are lesser than they are. You literally have to drive an hour just to pick up your packages. You just started a new job. You’ve got other things to do and can’t solely focus on blogging right now. Writing is pretty difficult for you and that’s okay. There’s no rush.

Your blog is not terrible. That company didn’t reject you because your blog sucked, but because they’re wary of new bloggers. It isn’t personal. Yes you’ve been rejected a few times, but you’ve been accepted too! That more established blogger didn’t ignore you because they didn’t care what you had to say, but because they probably don’t have enough time to respond to every twitter response or email. Stop taking things so personally and immediately jumping to “holy shit I’m worthless and have nothing of value to contribute”. When twitter asks “What’s happening?”, resist the urge to practically scream “VALIDATE ME” into that little box. You’re doing your best. Over time, you’ll get even better!

Accept yourself. Stop worrying if you’re “queer enough”, “kinky enough”, or even just “sexual enough” for this community. There is no ideal level of kinkyness, queerness or sexuality. You preach this to others wholeheartedly, now take your own advice. You can be sex-positive without being poly or queer or kinky, and your identity is valid just the way it is. Instead of measuring yourself up to all these beautifully diverse individuals, learn about the many forms sexuality and identities can take. Contrary to feeling “not enough”, since you fit the profile of the “queer kinky cis lady” sex blogger that makes up the majority, you feel like your voice is just like all the others. Stop worrying. You still have a unique perspective and voice to contribute to the community. Maybe you haven’t found it yet, and that’s okay. Keep writing, keep thinking, and it will emerge with time.

You’re doing this because you love it, and because it’s fun. You are so very passionate about sex-education; don’t you dare let discouragement and anxiety stop you from doing what you love. Send those emails. Accept rejection and thank them for their time. Take a break from social media if you need to. Don’t stress about what you think your blog SHOULD look like, and just let it flow. Your voice is valid. Do this for yourself. Be patient. Be confident. Keep learning. Keep going.

Love,

Sammi

P.s. Thank you to Royce from The Deaf Queer, Lexi from Deviantt Kitten, Perineum Plunders, and Artemesia Femmecock for all encouraging me each in your different ways, whether those are just unknowingly encouraging comments on social media, good conversations, or a Skype call to help with blog issues. You are so appreciated and I’m so thankful for y’all.

Share this post

11 Comments

  1. Lilly said:

    Yes, please stop comparing yourself to others. But it’s hard to remember, as even I do it at years in the game.

    Things aren’t like they were in 2008, says the old lady. In 2008, sex toy reviewing on blogs was still pretty damn new and so companies were throwing toys at newbie bloggers. This continued for a few years. But now? I’m sorry to say the market is saturated which sucks for finding GOOD companies to partner with but it also means this army is getting big! We have so many chances at reaching people with our education. We are sex ed and sex toy missionaries!

    Here’s a secret: I tried way, way too hard in my early years. My blog has changed 100% from those first few years and yours might, too. You may discover things about you that are a little different from others and when you do, write about that! There are always thousands of other people similar to you who need an advocate, a proxy and guide.

    But most importantly, don’t give up. Keep going until its no longer fun.

    June 24, 2016
    Reply
    • Sammi said:

      Thank you, and congrats on you eight year blog anniversary!

      June 25, 2016
      Reply
  2. Lunabelle said:

    Good advice, and not just for “baby bloggers”. Over 2 years in and I still second guess or doubt myself regularly. Sometimes I take a dip in blog traffic personally, or wonder if anyone will want to read about a topic that I think is important. Those nagging feelings will probably be around forever, but I’m getting better and not letting them break my stride. We all just need to keep writing, keep having fun and seeing where the blogging journey takes us.

    June 25, 2016
    Reply
    • Sammi said:

      All the yes <3 thank you! I highly doubt my doubts and insecurities will ever go away as well. Wise words from a wise ninja.

      June 25, 2016
      Reply
  3. Rebsy said:

    I needed to read this. Thank you for posting this!

    You’re great at what you do, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    June 25, 2016
    Reply
    • Sammi said:

      Anytime, darlin’ <3 <3 Keep doin what you do!

      June 25, 2016
      Reply
  4. Definitely something I needed to read. I’m still figuring all this out myself. I’m still digging through my personal collection and the ridiculous luck I keep having with giveaways and survey drawings. I haven’t really felt comfortable approaching companies with so little content on my blog, but I’m getting there. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s not a race. I don’t have to be the fastest or the biggest just starting out. Right now the only thing I really have to do is have fun and the only person I really have to impress is myself. Unfortunately I’m a harsh self-critic, but I’m working on that too.

    I have essentially the same people to thank for giving me the push to start my little blog. I’m happy that I did. Even if it ends up just being a personal hobby that no one ever looks at, I’m enjoying the process of doing it. The rest will come or it won’t, but as long as I’m satisfied with that, then that’s enough for me to keep doing it.

    June 26, 2016
    Reply
    • Sammi said:

      Aw I remember when you started! And how nervous and doubtful you were. I’m glad you’re blogging and I can’t wait to see more stuff from you! 🙂

      June 26, 2016
      Reply
      • Honestly? Still nervous and doubtful. Life also got a little crazier than usual, and might get a lot crazier looking out at the horizon. Though, when I find the time to write and snap a few shots it’s relaxing. It’s something concrete to have pride in when so much else is vague or impossible to share without 3 hours of backstory on why it’s important. It’s nice to have something, no matter how small, that I can point at and say “I built that from nothing.” I just have to be careful what mood I’m in when I write, as it definitely shines through in the end result.

        June 26, 2016
        Reply
        • Sammi said:

          I definitely feel this too. You’re doing a great job! 🙂 keep at it!

          June 26, 2016
          Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *