#VaJournal: Give Me Squish or Give Me Death (Why I Hate the Pure Wand)

I do not like hard toys in my clam, I do not like them, Sam I Am.

I’m a sensitive peanut. To temperature, tastes, scents, emotions, other people’s emotions, movies, words. I’m a soft little fuzzy bruise-able peach. I learned a while ago that my vulva was sensitive to lubes, getting itchy every time we’d do PIV (thank you Sliquid and unlubed condoms for remedying this). What I didn’t realize until now is that my vagina itself is a sensitive soul, a soul that craves the cushy caress of sweet soft silicone, and cringes at the thought of metal or wood, or jeez even harder silicone. I’m refraining from making “my vagina is a pussy” joke because using “pussy” in that way is nearly always misogynistic, but man is my vagina a soft and gentle creature.

So here’s the truth, folks, I started this VaJournal segment (formally known as #GSpotJournal), because I, Sammi, a sex blogger, hate the Pure Wand.

I spent a large portion of my time at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 2016 trailing after Greg, the man, the myth, the legend behind Njoy Toys. Apparently I waited and bugged him enough because eventually I held it in my hands- the Njoy Pure Wand, THE G-spotting toy that has helped folks find their G-Spots, locate their prostates, and squirt buckets both for the first time and time and time again. Holding it my hands was like holding hope that I’d learn more about my G-spot with this precious gleaming curvy thing.

Imagine my dismay when I pulled that shiny hunk of metal that everyone loves out of the box, lubed it up, slowly stuck it inside me, did a little wiggle with it, and pulled that thing right back out. My vagina was practically screaming at me “TOO INTENSE TOO INTENSE”. I tried it so many times, using a menagerie of toys for lengthy warm-ups, but to no avail. I am afraid of this toy. It hurts. Until finally gearing up to write this review, it sat lurking in my closet untouched for months.

Obviously, I panicked. There must be something wrong. This was supposed to feel good, not hurt. Should I make a doctors appointment? Do I need to be examined? Do I have a vaginal medical condition I didn’t know about? Am I BROKEN?

I am not broken.

My vagina is fine.

All bodies are different.

I’m picturing my vagina patting itself, soothing itself with a “there, there. Vagina knows best.”, perhaps snuggling my poor little pubic bone that is perfectly positioned to bump against the Pure Wand in a nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling of metal on bone. Literally bone-chilling. This is fucking COLD.

Childishly, I’ve adopted a “if you’re cold to me, then I’ll be cold to you” attitude towards the Pure Wand. I’ve had a lot of emotions stem from this toy. I’ve felt envious of those that get to experience the incredible G-spot pleasure that can apparently arises from it. I’ve felt disappointed with my own body for not producing that pleasure for me. I’ve worried about my body and if it’s okay, and I’ve felt uncomfortable and full of failure for not knowing my body as well as others do, and after a year of vowing to explore my G-spot, still knowing very little about it.

But writing this now, I realize that the Pure Wand did teach me about my body. It taught me that I hate:

  • Curvy things that catch on my pubic bone
    • The awful clicking sound that makes
  • Hard things bumping around in my body
    • And the intense pressure on my innards.
  • Cold things freezing up my vag
    • Or having to give a toy a warm bath before I use it
  • The Pure Wand, because it is all of these things.

And if this list changes as I learn new things about my body and what it likes, hey, that’s okay. My body preferences aren’t set in stone (or metal).

So while the Njoy Pure Wand didn’t offer me the back-arching pleasure everyone else is talking about, it did teach me about my body and my perceptions of my body. The Pure Wand is famed for producing intense pressure on the G-spot or prostate, and it turns out I don’t like that, and that’s okay.

If you do want to try some pubic-bone scraping, vag-freezing, and clicking-noise making (I suppose a whole bunch of people like this thing), you can find the Pure Wand at Vibrant for $110 (use my code SQUEAKY for 10% off!) now or during one of their fantastic and frequent sales. Personally, I’d rather have the more gently curved, squishtastic Tantus Pack n’ Play 2, but hey, all bodies are different,  and mine is just a sweet, squishy, sensitive little peach.

Thank you Njoy Toys for providing me with the Pure Wand in exchange for an honest review

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4 Comments

  1. Kel B. Jordan said:

    A fair and honest review. I guess it’s not for everyone. We’re still willing to try it. I would ask for yours but I don’t know if that’s proper.

    October 9, 2017
    Reply
    • Sammi said:

      Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean my partners don’t either! 😉 I’ll be holding onto mine, but if you liked my review, you can support me by purchasing through any of the links in the article 🙂

      October 10, 2017
      Reply
      • Kel B. Jordan said:

        HA! Will do. Thanks for the reply. Love the site so far.

        October 10, 2017
        Reply
        • Sammi said:

          Why thank ya! I’m glad!

          October 10, 2017
          Reply

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