One of the latest sex toy crazes sweeping the planet right now is air pulsation based vibrators. I mean, Jesus Christ ever since the Womanizer came out everyone and their uncle has been cranking these puppies out like nobody’s business. Womanizer, Satisfyer, Lelo, white-label. Everyone’s gotta produce a version of this latest clit-focused sucky thingy. Heck, since my receiving of these products, Satisfyer has already released updated versions of all it’s toys. And for good reason, too, I suppose. I really like these things. The Satisfyers I received: The Satisfyer Pro 2, and Pro 2 next generation, and Satisfyer 2 and Pro Penguin (both of which have now received an update), all feel great. They’re effective, fun, and, compared to other models out there, they’re pretty affordable. Also, you can put a penis extender on the end of one of them for some cool gender-feelz. Overall, these things are pretty neat.
Truthfully, each of these toys feels nearly identical. Some are stronger, some are weaker, and they all have different nozzle shapes and sizes, different buttons, and different handles, but essentially, they all feel pretty much the same.
What an interesting feeling, though. Upon receiving these toys, I was expecting the sort of the rumored “suction” feeling that was supposed to be akin to receiving oral. Instead, I discovered the Satisfyer line to provide the exact opposite of suction, since what these toys really utilize is more of an air pressure out, not in. What I thought would be a vacuum-y feeling is more like a tiny clit-sized pulsing leaf blower.
Interestingly, mini leaf blowers feel more like vibration around the clit, not directly on it, sort of like a rumbly clit-hug. That, my friends, is why I think I like this type of sex toy. I usually would hate direct touch to my clit. When I use my hand to masturbate, I move my fingers in circles around it, using the clitoral hood (and sometimes even the inner labia if I’m feeling especially sensitive) as a buffer. I should probably start yelling “Clitoral hood force field powers activate!” every time I jerk off.
On the lower settings, these air pulses are barely detectable. I think if a butterfly fluttered it’s wings next to my junk, that’s what it would feel like. The higher settings is when this things really enters leafblower mode, and the clitoral bombardment is matched by the rocket-launch-esque noise. If you enjoy direct-ish clitoral action, I’m fairly confident there will be a speed strong or soft enough for you. I personally like to hang out in the bottom-middle of the intensity spectrum.
Just as I expected a vacuum and received a leafblower, I thought I was getting a clit toy and ended up with something that worked for my clit….. and my G-spot. I figured I’d simply need to stick it on my clit and let it do it’s thing. However, In a wild turn of events, this is the first vibrator, in all it’s ironically clitoral-focused glory, that feels extra good on my vaginal entrance, AKA what I now suspect may be my G-spot.
You see, I can’t stand having this thing on my clit too long. It gets uncomfortable and too intense, so upon the first few uses, I started moving it around to find what felt best. I discovered that holding it just outside my vagina felt not only superb, but different from pleasure focused around my clit. Now, when using a Satisfyer, I alternate between holding it over my clit and vaginal entrance for both extra pleasure as well as extra sensitivity prevention. Stay tuned for future updates in my #VaJournal segment!
Since there’s so much to comment on these toys, here’s a neat little bullet-pointy list.
- They feel good. They work. They make me orgasm. (This will be further explained in “The Bad”)
- Several of the Satisfyer models are relatively affordable, especially in comparison to the more pricey Womanizers. The Satisfyer 1 Next Generation (which I didn’t receive for review), for example, is only $32 at Shevibe.
- Most have a good range of (11) settings, from butterfly-gentle flutters to a clit-pounding jackhammer. My body can’t even handle the top intensities.
- The ones with two buttons for speed control are great. Having a plus and minus button is important to me for when I get too sensitive and need to quickly lower the intensity.
- My Satisfyer-induced orgasms are weird and quick. Just as I start to climax, the vibrations begin to feel too intense and I need to remove the toy ASAP. Because they need suction, I can’t slowly remove the vibrator as I normally would to let the orgasm fade away instead of suddenly stopping.
- This mini clit-sized leafblower sounds like a leafblower.. These things are LOUD. Be prepared to put a fan on or bump some music.
- Although advertised as waterproof, they’re probably not. Other bloggers have had trouble submerging their Satisfyers and ending up with a water-logged toy with a corroded battery. I don’t recommend taking them in the bath, although washing them seems to be okay.
- They might break. Once I was done collecting my thoughts on one, I lent it to my friend. It was used often, a testament to it’s effectiveness, but bit the dust after about two months of heavy use.
- They might hiccup during use, or the buttons might stick. Sometimes my Pro 2 Second Generation likes to freeze or go down in intensity for a brief (less that one second) moment. It can be annoying when you’re getting to the good part and your toy sputters and throws you off.
- They’re a bit annoying to clean. I usually remove the silicone nozzle, then use a Q-tip to soap the inside so no bacteria start raising a family in there.
If you’re a regular reader of Squeaky Bedsprings, you’ll know that I’m a huge fan of some good ol’ gender-fuckery. I like wearing a strap-on and pegging and even just sporting a peen once in a while. That’s why I bought a penis extension sleeve and stuck it on the end of the Satisfyer 2.
As you can see, it sorta worked, although the shaft near the head looks a little funny.
So dear Satisfyer (or any other air-pulsation toy-making company),
You should TOTALLY make one of these shaped like a dick. It would be hella cool, and since y’all market these as a sort of “blowjob simulation”, it would be super duper neato-cheeto to be using this while a partner sucks on the peen-shaped handle. Then, I’d get the feeling AND the visual of a beej. Plus, think of all the potential happy trans folx!
p.s if you wanna toss me some cash for that idea, that would be cool. Let it hereby be known that I thought of it first and would love some credz.
p.p.s I should totally start an entire segment on this blog of all the marvelous business pitches I’ve got. I mean, have you read my dream condom company post? Have I told you about my raunchy noodle delivery service idea called Send Noodz? Basically, I’m an entrepreneurial genius and everyone should throw their money at me.
So for something with such a long list of cons, I’d still recommend giving them a try. They feel great and are relatively affordable between $32 and $70. Out of all of them, I’d most recommend the rumbliest of them all, the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, which can be found at SheVibe for $69.99 (hehe), or it’s similarly strong (and cheaper) counterpart, the Satisfyer 2 ($40). Who would have thought a stretchy peen-covered mini leaf-blower would feel so good?