Category: Writing

Me five years ago would never have imagined that sometime in my life I would pull up to a campground after a six hour drive with a person I had only met once before, scuttle through the pouring rain, and be lectured on how the little bottle that was being presented to me was NOT lube, but hand sanitizer and please do not put it on your genitals, but hey, there I was.

This campground was Abrams Creek Resort and Campground in West Virginia, and the event itself was Sex Geek Summer Camp, a five day retreat for sex educators and professionals to learn business skills. Rose of Hedonish.com is the wonderful human without whom I couldn’t have made it through the week, and Cathy Vartuli is the caring soul so concerned about not accidentally sanitizing one’s genitals.

Personal Writing

So you’ve decided you want to have a threesome. You’ve talked with your partner about boundaries, safer sex protocols, wants, and needs. Now you’re staring at your screen trying to figure out how to craft the perfect dating site profile for a couple in search of a fabled unicorn. Perhaps you’ve already been clicking around OkCupid, swiping on Tinder, or perusing My Sex Hookups. Maybe you are the fabled unicorn and you’re sick and tired of rolling your eyes at these less-than-polite couples.

Guides Writing

Fuck leg hair.

Fuck shaved legs.

Fuck painstakingly running to Walmart for batteries, running all over the house to find the length guide, and running your re-purposed pube trimmer all over your stupid shins in the hopes that somewhere in-between shaved and shaggy you’ll finally be happy with the length of your leg lawn.

I’ve spent the past week fussing and stressing over how to groom these two bottom limbs of mine, and the past hour practically crying over them. The only conclusion I’ve come to is that I want to crawl out of my skin, explode, or chop my legs off.

Personal Writing

fulldoxydon

Hi hey hello there. I’ve got a few recommendations for you.

  1. Put this in your butt.
  2. Put this on your clit.
  3. Put this in your vag.
  4. Put this wherever the damn hell you please.

Other

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When Vibrant gave me the option to review the Minna KGoal, I almost said no. I was (and still am) in the midst of final exams and papers and projects, and I thought I’d hate the toy anyway, especially after my experiences with other kegel exercisers. But after all, I love shirking responsibilities, my pelvic floor needs some work, and I love Vibrant as a company. They carry only body safe products, use gender-neutral language, and donate a portion of proceeds to planned parenthood. They’ve also sent bloggers T-shirts to welcome them to their affiliate program, so basically they’re doing everything right. I’m so happy they reached out to me about reviewing the KGoal, because I love it, and I love them, and I love loving stuff.

Other

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I have a confession to make. I am a sex blogger who isn’t well-acquainted with her G-spot. I don’t know where exactly it is, or what it likes, or even how best to find it. I have no idea what type of dildo will feel best or at what angle or what motion or what amount of pressure. I am a total G-spot n00b.

#GSpotJournal Writing

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Sometimes I pee a bit when I jump on a trampoline. Or laugh. Or cough. Or sneeze. Or… you get the idea. The one time I tried kegel weights, they did not want to come out. All the google searches in the world couldn’t find anything to do with “where to put kegel weights in vagina” or “kegel ball stuck behind pubic bone?”, so I figured it was time for some extra help. My partner, Simon, had told me about his physical therapist friend who specialized in pelvic floor health, so I set up an appointment. I was nervous and unsure at first, worrying about a stranger seeing my bits and potential awkwardness, but 1. A physical exam didn’t even happen in the first appointment, and 2. This person looks at vulvas and buttholes every day; mine will be no surprise. After convincing myself of this, I was actually kind of excited about this prospect. I couldn’t wait to learn more about my body.

Other Writing

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I am picky about my condoms, and have every right to be. A condom embraces your genitals, lovingly protecting them from pregnancy, a number of STIs and maybe even a little ball sweat. Condoms and other barriers provide so much more than protection; they provide peace of mind. Companies are always trying to come up with ways to change and improve the classic condom, whether that is with a new material, a new applicator, or a new way to magnificently embarrass your entire brand. Some condom makers are doing awesome things. Glyde Condoms are vegan, fair trade, have different sizes, and use high-quality lube. This is the closest to my ideal condom-seller I’ve seen, but still, one can have dreams: dreams of a shiny, beautiful, perfect condom company.

Other

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I have many aspirations: move to somewhere I love, eventually get a college degree, work in a feminist sex shop for a bit, die happy. You know, the usual. I have life goals, and then I have sex goals. Neither are coming easily at the moment. I live in a rather small house with my parents and siblings. The upstairs bedrooms are all connected, meaning my brother has to walk through my room to get to his own room. Translation: I cannot masturbate nearly as often as I need to, nor can Simon and I fuck when he comes to visit. When we can fuck, it’s a quick, silent session sans toys or roleplay or anything “extra”. It’s good, but I want more. Thanks to my fairly creative, active, and sexually-starved brain, here’s some stuff that is totally going to happen once Simon moves into his new apartment and I come to visit.

Other Writing

New Blogger Worries

Dear Me,

You’ve been blogging for just over two months now: months that have both flown by and dragged on. You have already learned so much about blogging, and even more about sex. You’ve received your first toy for review (thank you Funkit Toys!), made some friends, and virtually interacted with so many cool people. You can now help someone find a dildo shaped like Lebron James, or a unicorn horn, or a light saber. Although you still don’t have a blogging niche, your posts have already begun to change a little and improve. Some days you feel on top of the world, but most others, you feel entirely inadequate, irrelevant, and worthless. This is for you to read on those days. 

Other Writing